Let it be known, Squaresoft recently realized how poorly they wrote their first draft for FFVII. I have recently stumbled upon their newly revised script, which will most likely be used for a sequel, or something of the sort. Sure Square might deny this script "existing" or "being a true idea", but I feel we all know they are trying to cover this up. I am sure they need a good plot and storyline since I have heard, from my friends and people on the street, that FFVIII sucked, and surely FFIX will too. So now, I reveal to you, in all its greatnissity.......THE NEWLY REVISED FFVII SCRIPT AND STORYLINE!!! (drum roll please.....)
Cloud awakens, partly buried in a dumpster near a church somewhere in the Sector 5 slums, and looks around curiously.
Cloud: (In Thought) I wonder where I am? And what's that god-awful smell?
Out of no-where, a young girl (Aeris), with thoughts of selling Cloud flowers, appears in the scene.
Aeris: Excuse me mister, would you like a flower?
Cloud: What? How dare you try to sell me a useless angiosperm you peice-of-crap! If you hadn't noticed, I'm waist deep in waste, and worst of all IT'S NOT MINE!!!
Aeris: I'm sorry sir, I really didn't mean to offend you, It's just that...
Cloud: BUT NOTHING!!! I'M IN A FREAKING DUMPSTER!!!
Aeris: I don't think I said but....
Cloud: SHUT UP!!! (secretely checks script and notices his mistake) You win this round fat-man......
Aeris: Sir, I'm not overweight, nor am I a male.
Cloud: HA! That's where you lose your little game missy. Sure, I'll take a flower, but I won't like it......no sirree.....
Aeris: Thank-you! For your generousity I shall join your party!
Cloud: What the? What party? Where? Why wasn't I invited?
Aeris: We will travel around the world together. Just you and me. It will be such fun.
(Cloud whips out his cell phone and dials up his buddy Barret)
Cloud: (Whispering) B-Man, I need your help.
Barret: Say what now?
Cloud: Yeah, this chick is digging me, but I don't dig her back. What should I do?
Barret: Well son, there comes a time in every man's life when....
Cloud: (Cuts Barret Off) Dude, I'm not your son. Remember?
Barret: Oh yeah, that's Marlene.
Marlene: I'm your daughter.
Barret: WHATEVER! I've got a freaking machine gun arm, I can't deal with petty details.
Marlene: Ok Daddy.
(Marlene now leaves, just as oddly as she appeared)
Cloud: Listen Aeris, leave.
(Cloud then turns away from Aeris, yet runs back at her, and sticks her in the stomach with his sword)
Cloud: That got rid of her fast enough......not like last time.....
Barret: Dude, you still there?
Cloud: Oh, yeah, sorry. Meet me outside Midgar at 2:30, I've got a plan.
(Scene disolves and reappears showing Barret and Cloud outside Midgar)
Cloud: Listen, I have a plan to save the world.
Barret: From what?
Cloud: No offense Barret......but from you.
Barret: (In the very high voice of a 9 year old girl) AHHHHHHHH!!!
Cloud: Nah just kidding. Actually, saving it from.....CFCs!!!
Barret: (In cheesy environmentally safe video voice) Yay! Then the ozone layer won't be depleted and everyone will be safe!
Cloud: Damn straight.
Barret: (Still in cheesy voice) Then the world will be a better place for everyone, right Cloud?
Cloud: For most Barret......for most.....
Barret: (Back to normal) What the hell just happened?
Cloud: I'm not sure, but I think we are on a quest to save the world from CFCs or something.
Barret: Aww hell no.
Cloud: My thoughts exactly, but you know me.
Barret: Yeah, so what?
Cloud: I'm just saying, you know me.
Barret: Oh, this makes perfect sense.
Cloud: We shall settle this later, now we must leave to save the world.
Barret: Fine, but I want to be back by 10:00 this time.
Cloud: You with your damn deadlines.....
End of Act 1