Let it be known, Squaresoft recently realized how poorly they wrote their first draft for FFVII. I have recently stumbled upon their newly revised script, which will most likely be used for a sequel, or something of the sort. Sure Square might deny this script "existing" or "being a true idea", but I feel we all know they are trying to cover this up. I am sure they need a good plot !!! (drum roll please.....)
Scene 1and storyline since I have heard, from my friends and people on the street, that FFVIII sucked, and surely FFIX will too. So now, I reveal to you, in all its greatnissity.......THE NEWLY REVISED FFVII SCRIPT AND STORYLINE
(When we last left Cloud and Barret they had just decided that they were on a quest to save the world from CFCs. But now they realize they can't do this alone, they must recruit new members)
Cloud: Barret, I think we need more members.
Barret: I agree.
(Tifa and Red XIII appear right after this statement)
Cloud: Even though the appearance of you two is odd, I'll go with it.
ret: Yes, since it allows us to skip a great deal of time having to go out and find you two. I mean, with that extra time we could be eating! EATING!!!
(Plus, the author doesn't have to waste extra time typing. I mean, with that extra time I could be eating! EATING!!!)
Tifa: So anyway, what are we doing here?
Red XIII: Yeah, after mystically being warped here from my nice warm bed I'd like to know the answer to that question.
Cloud: Well, we are on a quest to save the world!
Tifa: From what?
(Tifa and Red XIII look at each other, then after a long pause they start to attack Cloud)
Cloud: Come on guys. It's for a good cause!
Barret: (in that cheesy voice again) Yeah! Cloud's right! The world deserves to be protected. We humans took our land for granted. Now we have to fight to bring it back to it's once normal state.
Cloud: Damn. Why the hell does that keep happening?
Barret: I have no idea, but I want it fixed.
(The party, now with enough people, debark from Midgar)
Red XIII: So Cloud, where we going.
Cloud: Uh.....hmmm.... Kalm!
Tifa: You mean to tell me that we have no real plan on where we are headed?
Cloud: Sure we do.....some, but that's not the point. The point is Kalm is right over there so we can walk there in a short while. So let's go.
(Once in Kalm the team retires to the inn)
Barret: Well, what are we gonna do now?
Tifa: I feel a flashback is in order.
Cloud: Oh fine....
(Flashback starts by camera fading out, yet ends as the author realizes he doesn't want to do that)
Red XIII: Well scratch that idea. What else can we do?
Barret: I've got free time. Wanna hop around like bunnies?
Cloud: Sounds good to me. Team?
(After hopping around like bunnies for 30 minutes the team decides to leave Kalm, since the journey there was uneventful and quite stupid)
Tifa: Now where to?
Cloud: (Responding faster this time) That ranchy looking thing over there, with all the chocobos.
Barret: The Chocobo Ranch?
Cloud: It's a date.
Cloud: Oh nothing, sometimes I feel a cruel puppet master is controlling my every move and deciding on me to say irrelevent phrases and statements that don't make any sense, nor fit into the game at all.
Tifa: Right Cloud, I'm sure that's it...
Cloud: No seriously! I really think...
(The team encounters a random battle)
Cloud: What the hell? This has never happened before...
Barret: Oh I've heard of these. They are called random battles. Their point is to make gamers go crazy in RPG style games.
Tifa: Then what the hell are they here for?
Barret: Beats me.
(Anyway, the team kills the enemies and shows up at the Chocobo Ranch.)
Chocobo Billy: Let's get to the point, you need a chocobo. I've got a chocobo, so what can I do to get you in this chocobo today?
Cloud: Well, the wife and I are considering getting a family style chocobo. We're expecting.
Barret: (Whispering to Cloud) What the hell are you talking about? You aren't married.
Cloud: Shhh. I know how to deal with these guys.
Chocobo Billy: Ok, let's go check out one of those family chocobos.
Team: We'll wait here Cloud.
(Cloud then leaves to go check out the chocobo lot, while the other party members are in the loungue area)
Tifa: As long as he doesn't come back with some souped up little number I don't care what he gets.
Barret: I don't see why we need one anyway.
(Cloud rejoins the party)
Cloud: Ok, it's waiting outside. Let's go.
(The team goes outside to find a sparkling gold chocobo waiting for them)
Tifa: CLOUD!!! THAT'S A GOLD CHOCOBO, HOW MUCH DID IT COST?
Cloud: Only like.......48,000 gil.
Tifa: YOU SPENT HALF OUR SAVINGS ON AN OVERGROWN DUCK?!?!
Cloud: But it's gold! GOLD!!!
Barret: It is rather shiny....
Tifa: SHUT UP!!!
(The team, deciding they need to cool down, stops to rest)
End of Act 2